This is a long blog entry, for that I apologize. If you are unable to read this, that is ok; the truth is I needed to pour out my heart before the Lord for fear of what would happen if I left these thought locked within my soul. If you able to take time for this entry I hope somehow it blesses your life and you find yourself encouraged..
Have you ever been faced with a challenge that when met eye to eye all you felt was dread, and you just wanted to RUN and hide from it? Have you ever thought something of yourself, but when put to the test you failed with disappointment? Has God ever exposed something in your heart that you didn't know existed? The truth can sometimes be painful, but I believe the saying is true, "The truth shall set you free!"
Well, I have always thought of myself as being strong, courageous, a pioneer and risk taker, bold with a soul consumed by fire.
The past few years of my life I have been given opportunities to put these reflections of myself to the test.
Patiently God would ask me to move beyond my limitations and comfort zone in preparation of my future in Him. Teaching me that He is trustworthy and faithful, I began a journey of obedience.
My life consisted of adventure, excitement, challenges and struggles. But after about a year my journey became redundant and colorless. I slowly found myself going down the path of hopelessness. Quickly I began questioning God and became frustrated with life. But regardless of my feelings, deep down in the depth of my soul there was a trust I had for God that kept me walking.
When I think back to the times I leaped in faith, and while falling, enjoyed the wind in my hair as I fell into His arms, looking forward to what adventure He planned out for me, I am encouraged.
But something has changed in me....
January 2, 2010 an unlikely potential walked into my life. I never would have expected to meet him, let him take me out on a date a week later, and then talk to him everyday after that! He unexpectedly became my best friend and the love of my life.
...So here I am facing the next mountain on my journey. I picture myself slowly dragging along the path God set me on, when I suddenly look up and see a snow caped mountain, the base is so large, the only way to go is up. I stand still squinting my eyes trying to see the top of this next challenge. Fear grips my heart, I am frozen in fear. "God I'm so tired, I don't want to attempt this climb." I am sure to fall, to get hurt, and to fail! Please don't ask this of me."
God has gently exposed the fear in my heart of marriage.
Reluctantly I take the first step. Stretching out my leg, then placing my hands on the hard earth beneath me; a few rocks tumble down to my feet. I feel sick to my stomach.....
The truth comes out that I struggle with anger, I struggle to control my mouth, reactions and emotions.
Sweat rolls down my face. This is hard.
Learning to love another person in spite of their flaws. Learning to selflessly pour my life into those around me. Thinking of others before myself. Learning to let this man come close and allow him to love me. Accepting the packaged deal that comes along with this relationship.
The past few years of my life I have been given opportunities to put these reflections of myself to the test.
Patiently God would ask me to move beyond my limitations and comfort zone in preparation of my future in Him. Teaching me that He is trustworthy and faithful, I began a journey of obedience.
My life consisted of adventure, excitement, challenges and struggles. But after about a year my journey became redundant and colorless. I slowly found myself going down the path of hopelessness. Quickly I began questioning God and became frustrated with life. But regardless of my feelings, deep down in the depth of my soul there was a trust I had for God that kept me walking.
When I think back to the times I leaped in faith, and while falling, enjoyed the wind in my hair as I fell into His arms, looking forward to what adventure He planned out for me, I am encouraged.
But something has changed in me....
January 2, 2010 an unlikely potential walked into my life. I never would have expected to meet him, let him take me out on a date a week later, and then talk to him everyday after that! He unexpectedly became my best friend and the love of my life.
...So here I am facing the next mountain on my journey. I picture myself slowly dragging along the path God set me on, when I suddenly look up and see a snow caped mountain, the base is so large, the only way to go is up. I stand still squinting my eyes trying to see the top of this next challenge. Fear grips my heart, I am frozen in fear. "God I'm so tired, I don't want to attempt this climb." I am sure to fall, to get hurt, and to fail! Please don't ask this of me."
God has gently exposed the fear in my heart of marriage.
Reluctantly I take the first step. Stretching out my leg, then placing my hands on the hard earth beneath me; a few rocks tumble down to my feet. I feel sick to my stomach.....
The truth comes out that I struggle with anger, I struggle to control my mouth, reactions and emotions.
Sweat rolls down my face. This is hard.
Learning to love another person in spite of their flaws. Learning to selflessly pour my life into those around me. Thinking of others before myself. Learning to let this man come close and allow him to love me. Accepting the packaged deal that comes along with this relationship.
I slowly continue to move my hands and feet along this mountain.
The journey ahead is long. But I have a cheering section to keep me motivated. I hear my Lord's voice encouraging me to keep moving on, that with Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! I am fearless and courageous.
I hear the strong voice of my future husband telling me I can do this, don't give up! The sweat, pain and muscle ache will be worth it!
God is teaching me endurance.
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4
The journey ahead is long. But I have a cheering section to keep me motivated. I hear my Lord's voice encouraging me to keep moving on, that with Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! I am fearless and courageous.
I hear the strong voice of my future husband telling me I can do this, don't give up! The sweat, pain and muscle ache will be worth it!
God is teaching me endurance.
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4
I am merely in the beginning pages of my life book. I foresee many pages ahead, involving storms, victories, mountains and valleys. The thought for this chapter is: Never give up, take it one day at a time, and just keep moving forward. It's going to be worth it!Where ever you are today, whether climbing a mountain like me, in the valleys depth, or running along the path; just keep moving! Keep your eyes focused on the prize. Remember that God has great promises in store for you (those that endure) Don't give up, because living a life 'lacking in nothing' will be worth it!
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