It's amazing how quickly emotions and attitudes can change! One day you may feel victorious, on fire, on top of your mountain....then suddenly, you are tumbling down the mountain uncontrollably, beat up, bruised...and defeated. Perhaps it's just the fact that I'm a female; however I credit the emotional roller coaster to L.I.F.E.
Last night I was invited to a box seat Revolution baseball game!
Where I got to meet Downtown, their mascot! I hung out with Tommy and some of his church members. It was alot of fun!
But, you know those days when you are surrounded by a crowd of people and still feel all alone?
Why was I feeling this way, why did I feel so discontent with my life? Was it ok to feel this way, was it even a good thing because it could possible force me toward new adventures and opportunities, or was this feeling wrong to have? Was I just complaining and being selfish?
...Have you ever suddenly found yourself in a fog; a state of confusion? I realized that without notice, my spiritual eyes were squinting, trying to make out the blurred vision in front of me, but I just couldn't see the next step. So I stood there, still, shoulders slump, eyes focused down and filling up with water...
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Til my hero stepped in, my knight in shining armor arose to rescue me from drowning in my sorrows! My sweet Jesus; even saying His name forces my eyes to drift back into place, looking straight ahead and dreamily think about how much He loves me and means so much to me! I am in love.....
Around 11pm last night, a very good friend of mine called me and allowed me to cry and share the weight of my heart. To you I say, thank you, for listening and all the words and encouragement you shared. I appreciate your friendship so much! After our conversation, I quickly drifted back to sleep.
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This morning I woke up late, cutting into my prayer time. Truth be told, I didn't really mind. My eyes were still swollen from crying myself to sleep (that's what you do when you have a pity party) I felt completely exhausted! But as I was putting on my makeup...something began to stir within my spirit. I can only explain it as a holy indignation! I ran out to the bathroom throughout my apartment and began to yell and tell myself and the atmosphere that I'm refusing to feel this way any longer!!! Reminding myself that God has placed me here for such a time as this, and I cannot get distracted by anything! I WILL push back the kingdom of darkness, tear down strong holds, destroy the work of the enemy. God has anointed me to preach the Good News, that the captives would be set free, and blind eyes opened!!
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I kept saying, "Lord forgive me!" And I begged for focus again, and like the Apostle Paul said, "I am letting of of what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, that I may apprehend that which has apprehended me."
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The battle is fierce! But we have all we need in God. Along this journey of life, we often forget that, but God is faithful and He is always ready to remind us of our purpose in Him!
I hope you are blessed today, and that you too will have an epiphany of what your life is to be all about! Let's not grow weary of doing good, but stay focus on the prize! Love you.
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"We are at our strongest point when we are at the end of ourselves." -Leeland
Glad to hear you're doing better. I only wish i could've been a spider on your wall when u ran through your appartment yelling at yourself. Not that it was unnecessary, I just think it would've been fun to watch. And don't ever call yourself selfish either. I'll throw down on people that talk about my friends like that. I'm very proud of you. And I miss you so much. Hope to hear from you soon!
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